Working with a Dating Coach
What coaching actually looks like, what to expect from the process, and how working with someone who probes you to reflect more deeply can change your approach entirely.
If you're reading this article, you might have tried everything to work on your love life. You still don't feel confident enough to talk to someone you’re attracted to without getting anxious, or you aren't able to progress relationships past a few dates. It may have been years that you've been struggling with these issues. You might even currently be seeing a therapist who recommended you start working with a dating and relationship coach.
You've never worked with a coach before, and you're not sure what to expect or whether it would be effective for you. In this article, I'll walk through what you can reasonably expect if you work with a dating and relationship coach.
You'll meet as frequently as you like
Some coaches offer one-off hourly sessions, although the majority offer packages. These are typically a three- or four-month package consisting of four or six sessions. While a coach will recommend a guideline of either weekly or bi-weekly sessions, it's ultimately up to the client to decide on the frequency.
Many people delay sessions because things get busy, or because they find sessions stressful, because they demand quite a lot of vulnerability. The clients who push through that discomfort and maintain a regular schedule are more likely to see results. That's because they're able to build rapport with the coach faster and therefore explore their inner world more quickly, which I'll turn to next.
A good coach will offer you an outlet to explore your issues
The coach's role is to provide you with an outlet where you can explore your inner world. They're there to facilitate that exploration. They do this by reflecting back what you're saying and asking prompting questions, all built on a relationship of safety and trust.
They create that safety and trust by listening to what you have to say without judgment, validating your perspectives, and gently challenging your thinking on certain things. The result is a co-creation between you and the coach to arrive at deeper insights.
A good coach won't solve your problems — you will
A lot of people turn to a coach — who they assume is more knowledgeable than them about dating and relationships — to give them the answers they need so they can finally solve the problem they've been struggling with for so long.
It's so tempting to want a quick-fix solution. But the truth is that, as great as it would be to see a coach who can tell you exactly what you need to do to address your issues, a coach cannot provide you with a magical solution. And any coach who tells you they have the solutions is lying to you, because no one actually has the answers to your problems. As much as it doesn't feel like it, you already have the answers. You just need help drawing them out. Getting the most out of coaching means approaching your coach from a place of trust that you can work together to arrive at those insights. The coaching relationship will be unproductive if you look to the coach to find the answers for you.
There's a reason it's called working with a coach rather than a coach working for you. Effective coaching relationships involve just as much effort and willingness from the client. It may feel uncomfortable at times — even frustrating — to be asked prompting questions instead of being offered solutions. But staying committed to your sessions and believing in your own wisdom is how you achieve long-lasting transformation.
